Sitting at my home, mom of a one-and-a-half-year-old, with my hair tied up in a bun, unbathed, wearing a Payjama, once in a while I ponder about my life before this little one came along. Wondering where my social life disappeared, I found myself reminiscing about the days of my youth when I was carefree and maybe a bit naive.

“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.” — Natalie Babbit, Tuck Everlasting

As mentioned above, I feared the life that lay ahead. Unaware of its existence until I lived through it.

Embarking New Phase of Life

With a dream to grab a job post-graduation, I stepped into a new phase of life. Until then I had been a young girl who was under the shade of my parents, seeking approval for everything and following their instructions. All of a sudden, I decided to board a bus to another city in pursuit of a job.

Alone in my hostel room that night with a group of random people, tears gushed through my eyes, my stomach was rumbling with sound effects, felt homesick, and lonely. Even when I think now, tears fill up my eyes.

From the very next day, I was on my own, I had to decide everything for myself, of course, I had my parents to call and ask but I realized I couldn’t call them for every small petty thing. It all felt new and lost at the beginning. The first thing I learned then was, to settle down with what was available.

I settled down for an unappetizing hostel food

I settled down for a namesake cot

I settled down for one small compact room with a couple of strangers (who later became friends).

Once Dad’s little princess who was always accustomed to being escorted everywhere, now walks swiftly or even runs in the scorching sun to board a bus, ensuring that I don’t miss the interview.

I didn’t know where to board a bus, I didn’t know any places in the new city. At times it felt like I didn’t belong here, how would I survive this?

The New Job

I didn’t grab a job through my college placements, I was determined to get one independently. That’s when I and my friends, who were just like me, jobless, decided to explore opportunities in a new city.

After searching and applying for various companies and facing rejections, finally I secured a position in a BPO company. It wasn’t my initial goal but I wanted survival.

I promised myself to get a job, leaving everything comfortable behind and my parents gave me a month time window to get a job else I would have to go back to my home. So I grabbed the opportunity that came my way, still, I was trying for better positions.

One fine day, I was called for an interview from a reputed corporate firm. I learned about it through my friend who was working with me at a BPO company.

I wanted to stress this “Every event happens for a reason, don’t miss an opportunity”. If I had turned down the BPO offer, I wouldn’t have met my friend, and I wouldn’t have known about the new opportunity (interview with a reputed company). I would have not backed my first real job.

Thrilled and somewhat surprised, I didn’t anticipate being selected. Taking a chance paid off, and the offered salary exceeded my expectations. I was happy that I made my parents happy. This is what I came for, to grab a job, did I survive it?

In reality, I didn’t believe in myself, I doubted my potential. Little I didn’t believe I was capable. As an average student, I decided to settle down for mediocrity in all my work. Even when I earned the first reward for my effort(getting placed in an MNC company), I believed it to be luck, I was that ignorant.

It was all fancy and anxious to get into the huge IT park and see people of different cultures carrying their bags and ID cards hanging around their necks, I had this feeling of intimidation.

Life of Independence

In the beginning, it was so slow, and boring. When days passed by I met new people, got new friends and everything began to revolve around me. Every day required my effort from the moment it began. It was all my choice. I was responsible for the outcomes ( good or bad) of my choices. When it turned out to be good, I was happy, I kind of started to believe in myself. When I had setbacks, I cried. I lacked the maturity to try and fix it next time. I was just so good at crying then.

After a few years of being on my own, it felt so good, I was getting to know the real world, moreover, I was getting to know the real me. Until then,

I didn’t know I could write. I found my interest in writing.

I didn’t know I could communicate empathetically well with people.

I didn’t know I could be stingy with money.

I didn’t know I can work my ass to get the work assigned to me. I always thought I was a lazy, average, ordinary girl.

My roommates turned out to be friends and our time together was delighted. Each one of their stories taught me something new. We visited new places in and around the city and tasted everything from street foods to fancy restaurants, went shopping hunt, and tried out new outfits and accessories. The joy of spending money, more importantly, it was hard-earned, waiting eagerly for something, saving up for it, and finally getting something that you have yearned for a long time is something pure bliss.

My professional path, when I began I assumed I was the same average girl in college but as the years passed by my experiences taught me, what I was interested in working on. I didn’t feel the excitement to work on random things assigned to me, so I decided to switch my career to the field of writing (technical writing). I had no idea, what a technical writer does, but my love for writing and technology made me choose a career in Tech writing.

During my first technical writing interview, I openly admitted my lack of experience but emphasized my enthusiasm. The company, just looking at my blog posts and technical background offered me the job. This experience taught me the value of honesty and the importance of confidently pursuing what I truly wanted.

I earned confidence, I earned love from people, and I earned respect all through the years. It was all through my choices. I didn’t have my parents to direct me through the path I walked by. The failures or the success it was all through the decisions I valued. I proudly accept it. I am happy who I am today.

The late Realisation

Though I had good times, learned new things, had wonderful opportunities, and had lovely people around me, I had my bad days as well, I had setbacks, I had fights with people, tasteless food for a long time made me weak, small fights with roommates made me angry. I didn’t appreciate it. I grew as one individual through all the above factors but I forgot to acknowledge those. I wanted to be back home, sit relax comfortably and do nothing.

When I got married, I was happy, I thought I did not need to do things for myself anymore, I had a partner to take care of me, and I could relax at home happily. But later I realized, that my being active, me doing things for myself and my family made me happy, and kept me alive. I was learning new things every day but sitting at home and not even going out made me a couch potato. To be serious, I forgot how to draw money from an ATM.

When corona hit, that was my big realization, being at home was not a pleasure, it felt like a punishment. Working all alone in a room made me realize, that working with colleagues in an office, kept my mind active. We laughed, we argued, and we went for breaks, where my mind was creative and functional but working in a room all alone, made me contain in a box and my brain ceased to function after a certain point.

After becoming a mom and being at home, I didn’t even have much of an option to go out, be on myself, or do things by myself, I am always held by a toddler, where I am no more independent but that is another kind of happiness.

If you are a young adult, and on the verge of complaining about everything you have, please know, that you are in the best stage of your life, even though you want to revisit it in your later years, It just remains a memory. Live, love, laugh, and let go is what I say. You will thank me later for this.

Saying that, ironically I quit my job as a technical writer today. Stepping into next phase of my life. I have decided to stay with my kid for some time and give him my full attention. I am super excited for the next roller coaster ride. I am not sure what the future holds for me. I can’t wait to explore, hoping to turn everything in my favour.

Xoxo,

Mita