Growing along with your cousins holds lots of memories. I grew up around cousins. I never valued the relationship until a few years back, when I began to understand its importance. Cousins can hold bonds together.

Cousins : “A little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud, and a whole lot of love.” — Unknown

I am fortunate enough to find cousins from both my maternal and paternal sides of the family. There was always laughter, fun and of course judgments all around. The idea of writing this post popped up after a day I was back from my cousin’s wedding.

We all cousins gathered together from the different parts of the city just for a day. We came not only to attend the wedding but also to visit the cousins we hadn’t seen in years. We have missed them due to their hustling lifestyle.

Childhood

My mom’s family is very close-knit. From my grandmother down to my mom and her cousins, there’s a strong emotional bond among them. It’s not always like the song “Engal Veetil Ella Naalum Karthigai” (a Tamil song about a happy family). There are days when they argue, scold each other, or don’t speak to one another. They have their differences of opinion. But I have also seen them tear up when one of the cousins faces hardship. Despite the conflicts, they come together to offer support during tough times.

Since my childhood, I have watched my mom and her cousins sitting together, chatting, and sharing loud laughter as they teased each other. They loved talking about the good old days. Meanwhile, the younger generation would gather in a corner of the house, playing. We would watch our parents enjoying a different vibe with their cousins.

As a child, we often visited our cousin’s house, which was in a small town. My mom would show me the shops where she used to eat local parottas and salnas as a kid. She loved enjoying hot, steaming idlis with getti chutney. It wasn’t just my mom, my aunts and uncles shared the same memories. They always had a smile on their faces, filled with joy.

From a young age, my cousins and I would meet each other during holidays and weddings. We would play, eat chocolates, fight, and then head back home. The memories lasted but the bonding didn’t. During my graduation, my Mom made me sit next to her and took me class about cousins, relationships, family etc. She encouraged me to dial and talk to them but I was not interested then.

Exploring the Real Us

After completing my graduation, I moved to a city to search for a job. By then, a few of my cousins had already settled there, having moved a few years earlier for work and education. I had cousins from both my maternal and paternal sides living in the same city, and I am grateful for each one of them. They all took such great care of me. It was the first time I had been away from home, and I had cousins who were married and settled there. I would visit each cousin’s house every other weekend, and they always made me feel at home. What stood out the most were my brothers-in-law, who came from other families but still treated me with so much care. It made me realize just how important each person is in a family to make it truly happy.

We, the young ones living in hostels, had the best time in the city. We began exploring on our own, experiencing the taste of independence and freedom. We took buses, trains, metros, and cabs, wandering across most parts of the city—beaches, theatres, restaurants, malls, and more. That was when we truly connected, we knew each other very well. The real bonding happened.

Over the years, things changed – marriage happened, kids were reproduced and time was reduced. Distance prolonged and we ended up in different cities. Yet, the close bond we built over the years kept us connected. Today, I call my cousins without my mom needing to remind me. I reach out to share my happiness and talk through my lows. I lament and discuss everything from business to work and life. We offer advice, support one another, and share plenty of laughter along the way.

I once realized that I wanted to pass on this beautiful gift—cousins—to my son. I wanted him to experience the joy of sharing, bonding, and even fighting with them. We all decided to make it a point to meet up regularly. Whenever I visit my parents’ place, we all gather at someone’s house and plan one-day trips together. The best part now is that we have all grown up, and we coordinate to take our parents and grandparents to visit their cousins as well.

The Wedding

The wedding of one of my cousins reunited all of us together, despite the busy lifestyle. Everyone decided to make it to the wedding to meet each other.

Every time cousin group has its unique personality, and mine is no exception. It’s a mix of everything. We’re that big of a gang.

Here comes the “funny big brother with a heart of gold”, always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on… even if it’s just because someone’s out of snacks. This man took it upon himself to make sure we all stayed together after the reception night. He visited the hotels, checked the rooms, and made sure everything was arranged so that our cousins stayed together.

Next up is the groom, the most” innocent brother” of our group, so innocent, he probably thought we were all there just for him.

Next up is the “difference of opinion” cousin, who somehow always has a completely different take on everything, whether it’s the weather, the food, or how I look.

Next, we have the “good-named” cousin, who’s got such a glowing reputation with all the elders, probably because they haven’t seen him sneaking out somewhere.

Then comes the cousin who’s the “ultimate poser”, who spends more time perfecting their selfie forgetting to let the cameraman eat.

Then there’s the cousin who never “spills the beans”. You ask them for the secret to life, and they’d still keep it locked up tighter.

Next is the “calm and mature cousin”, the one who’s so collected, you’d think they were secretly a monk meditating in the middle of all our chaos.

The “ignorant cousin”, who don’t understand half of the time what are we talking about.

Then there’s the “tension party” cousin, who’s always in full-on stress mode like they’ve never heard of a deep breath.

Then comes our loudspeaker cousin, whose voice is so powerful, it can probably be heard from the next city over.

And then there’s the youngest cousin, the “studious one”, not yet sure, what problem he is yet to bring.

We spent hours chatting, gossiping, laughing out loud, teasing each other, taking countless photos, and reminiscing about the good old days.

We all started chatting around midnight after the reception and didn’t stop until 4 AM. By then, it was time for the mugurtham, so we were all ready by 5:30 and headed to the wedding hall. Once there, it was more chatting, posing for photos, checking out each other’s outfits, enjoying great food, and eventually, everyone had to return to their routine lives with heavy hearts.

I could see that we were starting to take the place of our parent’s generation, but in many ways, the younger generation has surpassed them in the bond we share with our cousins. Nonetheless, we’re handling it all with a lighter, more relaxed attitude.

we don’t judge, don’t assume, we talk to face, open up genuinely, step into each one’s shoes and understand their opinion.

This may be due to the exposure we have today. My parent’s generation had a much smaller circle, with fewer opportunities to meet new people or gain insight into others’ lives and mistakes. We’re in a new era, where life presents us with countless opportunities. We have the chance to learn, unlearn, and relearn.

“You don’t get to choose your cousins. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” — Unknown

I was delighted to see three generations in the same place have their conversations. Live it, cherish it and never take it for granted. Life is simple and happy.

xoxo,

Mita